Kitayama might be taking a picture of this (mousapelli) wrote in abandon__ship,
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this
mousapelli
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the Christmas Nazi returns

I guess this is sort of an exemplar entry here, although really there's no particular format to use. Please be sure to mention the fandom and/or ship of whatever you are posting, though, just so we're clear.

Title: Return of the Christmas Nazi (WIP)
Fandom: Roswell
Pairings (although nothing is explicit): Max/Liz, Michael/Maria, Isabel/Alex, Tess/Kyle, Valenti/Amy
Summary: A year after "A Roswell Christmas Carol", a sense of deja vu is stealing over Roswell right along with the Christmas spirit.
AN: The christmas episode was always my favorite Roswell episode, and during my second bout in the fandom, I started this. It was supposed to follow the unfortunately titled "One..Two..Three...Go Team!", wherein Max and Liz recover Max's son from Ava, who was impersonating Tess during the end of the second season, so that's what the random infant is all about.

Anyway, i thought the first few scenes were entertaining.

Return of the Christmas Nazi

Maria grunted when Michael’s doorbell rang, completely not pleased with the prospect of leaving Michael’s warm bed, and fully expecting that she would have to when Michael refused to do it. She reached over to give him the customary shove and her hand only met empty air.

She cracked an eye to find out that she was alone in the bed and that it was still dark.

“Michael?” she called, sitting up on one elbow and glancing around blearily.

“I got it,” Michael said tersely, coming out of the bathroom fully dressed and going to answer the door. Maria slipped out of bed and threw on one of Michael’s larger t-shirts before padding out after him, vowing silently to make him clean later.

Max and Liz were at the door, Max looking tousled and serious, with Jason asleep in his arms, and Liz yawning, looking as sleepy as Maria did. Maria came up beside Michael, and he wrapped his arm around her.

“Something wrong?” she asked, looking at Liz with concern.

“No,” Michael kissed the top of her head distractedly.

“Ready?” Max asked. Michael nodded.

“Max,” Liz began, but fell silent with Max looked down at her. He handed Jason to her and kissed her softly, stroking her hair with one hand while the other still rested on Jason. “Be safe,” Liz finally said as he pulled away.

“I will,” he answered. “I love you.”

Maria looked up as Michael brushed a hand across her cheek, still confused. He kissed her soundly, and Maria knew he was telling her he loved her too.

“Be careful, space boy,” Maria said, not sure why she was saying it. Michael nodded briefly and let her go. Liz came to stand next to Maria as Michael grabbed his coat and stood at the door with Max. Maria wrapped an arm around Liz as the boys gave them a final nod and slipped out the door into the darkness.

Maria and Liz stood there a few moments longer, staring after them before Maria reached over to shut the door against the chilly pre-dawn air.

“Do you want anything?” Maria asked Liz.

“To go back to sleep,” Liz laughed ruefully and Maria smiled.

“Yeah, me too,” she answered. “Come on.”

Maria crawled back in the still warm covers and Liz kicked off her shoes. She handed Jason to Maria so she could take off her coat and set the diaper bag down. Liz crawled in beside her and they laid in silence for a few minutes, the only sound Jason’s soft breathing.

“What are the boys doing?” Maria finally asked.

“Same thing they did last year around this time,” Liz said heavily. Maria was quiet as she took that in.

“They’ll be okay, chica,” Maria finally said, pulling her close. Liz hugged Maria back, trying to swallow her worry for Max.

It was the day before Christmas Eve.

* * * * * *

“Thanks for watching him, guys,” Liz said, handing Jason over to Kyle at the Crashdown the next day. “I’ll be done with my shift at 3, so you can just drop him off then.”

“No problem,” Alex assured her. “I’m sure us strong men can handle one infant.”

“Besides, we can escape the Christmas Nazis for awhile,” Kyle said ruefully.

“They aren’t that bad, are they?” Liz asked, donning her bobbing antennae.

“Are you kidding me?” Alex exclaimed. “Isabel’s driving me crazy!”

“And Tess isn’t any better,” Kyle grumbled. “At least you don’t have to live with Isabel.”

“Don’t look now, but here they come,” Liz hid her giggle with one hand, before sauntering off to start her shift. “Have fun, boys.”

“There you are!” Isabel’s voice carried through the half filled diner loudly.

“Heil,” Kyle muttered under his breath as Tess and Isabel stormed their booth.

“Where are my brother and Michael?” Isabel demanded. “Max was supposed to get the tree with me this morning! Now I’ve got to reschedule my entire shopping schedule!”

“And as for you, Mr. Valenti,” Tess glared at Kyle, who backed up involuntarily against the booth, “You are going to march right home and take that THING you call a tree and put it back in the garage where it belongs, because we are getting a REAL tree this year! Or at least one that doesn’t deserve to be drying socks!”

“He can’t!” Alex rallied beside Kyle, earning the full force of both girls’ glares, but he only quavered for a moment. “We’re babysitting!” Kyle held up Jason helpfully, rather like a human shield.

“Why?” Isabel took a step forward and poked Alex in the chest. “You know where Max is, don’t you!”

“Not exactly,” Alex hedged, looking at his sneakers. Isabel narrowed her eyes, then they widened and narrowed again viciously.

“No!” she hissed at Alex like he was to blame, “He didn’t!”

“Again?” Tess demanded.

“I don’t believe this!” Isabel exclaimed. “He knows we have plans! Why didn’t he tell me!”

“Isabel, Tess, merry Christmas,” Maria said from behind them with a heavy dose of holiday cheer. “Can I get you anything? Something decaffeinated, perhaps?”

“No, thanks,” Isabel said, still glaring at Kyle and Alex. “We were just asking about Max and Michael. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” She turned to stare coldly at Maria.

“I didn’t find out until this morning,” Maria answered calmly, staring right back. “And they said they’ll be back by tonight, so don’t get your candy-cane-striped swastika in a twist.”

“And then he’ll be sick and burnt out like last time, and totally useless,” Isabel continued, but most of the venom had drained out of her voice.

It was hard to be mad at your brother when he was spending his Christmas Eve Eve risking his life for sick kids he didn’t even know. She heaved a sigh and turned to Tess.

“It looks like both of us need a tree,” she said with authority. “If we hurry, we can still pop by the Christmas dog show.”

Kyle and Alex slumped into the booth with relief as Isabel and Tess bustled out the door.

* * * * * *

Max tapped the wheel in time to the stereo, glancing over at Michael, who was bending over something in concentration.

“What’ve you got?” he asked.

“Broke Maria’s favorite Christmas ornament,” Michael said tersely. “Can’t fix it, don’t know what I’m gonna do about it.”

“You could just tell her you broke it?” Max suggested.

“Nope,” Michael snorted. “I want to live to see next Christmas, Maxwell.”

“What does she think happened to it?” Max asked with some amusement.

“She thinks it’s lost,” Michael answered. “Thinks it might be mixed in with some of her stuff at home still.”

“How badly can it be broken?” Max asked. Michael held out a small box to Max, which contained a tangled silver wire and a lot of crushed glass. “I see. What happened?”

“I was trying to surprise Maria by setting up the tree,” Michael explained, “and I dropped it.”

“You dropped it and it looks like that?” Max asked skeptically.

“Stepped on it too,” Michael said tightly.

Max laughed quietly at Michael’s scowl.

“What are you going to do with it?” Max asked finally.

“I was thinking about making it a pin or something,” Michael stirred around the remains of the ornament with a finger. “I could melt the glass pretty easy.”

“That’s a good idea,” Max nodded. “Maria will really like that.”

“And then I’m going to scour Roswell for a duplicate of the thing so Maria never knows what happened,” Michael continued darkly. Max laughed again. “You just wait until you break one of Liz’s little knickknacks,” Michael narrowed his eyes at Max. “You’ll be doing exactly the same thing.”

“Probably,” Max shrugged, still smiling.

They were both quiet for several miles.

“Know where we’re going yet?” Michael asked.

“Nope,” Max shook his head. “Thought I’d wait until something felt right.”

“Staying at home, safe in our warm beds with our girlfriends didn’t feel right enough?” Michael asked pointedly.

“You didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to, Michael,” Max pointed out.

“And let you heal people till you killed yourself? Like last time?” Michael snorted. “Fat chance, Maxwell.”

“Michael, listen,” Max started, but Michael cut him off.

“Don’t,” he said shortly. “You heal, I drive. End of story.”

* * * * * *

Sheriff Valenti came in the door, hands full of groceries and whistling, and bumped the door shut with his hip.

“Anybody home?” he called, setting the bags down on the table.

“Hey, Dad,” Kyle replied from the couch, where he, Alex, and Jason were watching a football game.

“Can I get a little help here?” Valenti asked, starting to pull things out of bags.

“Sure thing,” Kyle handed Jason to Alex and heaved himself off the couch. “What is all this?”

“Tess left me a list this morning,” Valenti said wryly. ”There’s going to be hell to pay when she finds out I had to get light cream cheese instead of regular.”

“Ho ho ho,” Alex commented from the couch.

“Watch it, pal,” Kyle pointed a finger at him, “I’m not gonna let you talk about my girlfriend like that!”

“Or my daughter,” Valenti added. He and Kyle stopped what they were doing and looked at each other for a moment before going back to unpacking groceries. Alex rolled his eyes.

“She’s coming home with a real tree,” Kyle sounded rather long-suffering.

“Yeah, I figured old prickly was going back to drying socks this year,” Valenti shook his head, using he and Kyle’s pet name for their ancient artificial tree. “When’s she getting home?”

“She and Isabel are helping with the Christmas dog show,” Kyle replied. “Around dinner probably. I think I might go out…”

“Oh no,” Valenti interrupted, shaking a can of cranberries at him, “you aren’t leaving me here with the fuehrer! We’re going to have a nice family dinner and then we’re going to decorate that tree!”

“You know, Buddhists don’t celebrate Christmas,” Kyle grumbled, tossing the last package into the freezer and shutting the door. He and his dad came back into the living room and flopped down on either side of Alex on the couch.

“Baby-sitting for Liz?” Valenti asked, noticing Jason. He picked Jason up and held him in the air, making airplane noises. Kyle mimed gagging at Alex.

“Yeah,” Alex shrugged, ignoring Kyle.

“Where’s Max at?” Valenti asked. Kyle and Alex exchanged a look. “Oh no,” Valenti’s eyes widened. “He’s not doing what I think he’s doing, is he?”

“Yup,” Alex sighed. “Liz couldn’t stop him.”

“Is he going to do this every year?” Valenti demanded. “He’s putting them all at risk! It’s like he loses his mind every Christmas.”

“Maybe it runs in their family,” Alex snorted. “Anybody got any brilliant gift ideas, by the way?”

“Still don’t know what to get Isabel?” Kyle asked sympathetically.

“No idea,” Alex sighed.

“Boy, I don’t envy you,” Valenti shook his head. “You mess up this time of year, you’ll really be in the doghouse.”

“More like Auswitchz,” Alex said grumpily.

“You and me both, man,” Kyle sighed. “You think Isabel is overcompensating, you should see Tess! I think we need to separate them. What are you getting Amy?” he asked his dad.

“Getting her?” Valenti replied neutrally.

“Yes, Dad, getting her,” Kyle repeated. “For Christmas?”

“Oh, I was sort of thinking that it was a bit premature in our relationship to give Christmas gifts,” Valenti answered.

There was a pause as Alex and Kyle exchanged glances.

“Oh, damn,” Valenti grumbled. “Guess I’m screwed too.”
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